avatar_state | IC INBOX \ House Details (Deerington)

I mean, I had help, but yeah. We had to combine all of our efforts to take them out. I'll admit I should have gone home as soon as I was freed, but all I could see in my mind was them torturing me in that cave, and seeing them do that to someone else.

But another part of me? I hated them more than I ever hated anyone. So we went after them and I made sure they wouldn't ever try to hunt us again.

I never felt like that about people, not even the Emperor back on the Isles. I'm scared of myself, being that way. I feel like I tricked myself into doing this, and if that's possible, what else would I do?

[It makes her so weary to hear it. There's so much she needs to say, so much to explain - and isn't it awful it's left to bumbling Korra, who had enough trouble keeping her own emotions in balance, let alone helping anyone else sitting at a dangerous crossroads.]

[The silence stretches on, her eyes focused into the long distance.]

I hate Deerington. What it does to people. You should be running around at home, having girl crushes and figuring out who you're going to be. Not in a place that doesn't give you any choice.

I killed so many of those worms, you know? Without...any remorse, because they were mindless and would hurt others. And I've never had to think like that before, but Deerington makes it that way.

[There is a long pause.]

Me, I can take it because I've had the choice before and made the other one - but that was there. And you...you're at a crossroads, Luz.

Your whole life depends on what happens next, right now.

[This is how Kuvira began, wasn't it? Wanting to do the right thing, and choosing what seemed the only choice. A clean sweep, to purify the world and Make. Her people. Safe. And then it ended, as it always did, in war, prison camps, dead civilians, and Korra holding the woman she loved as she cried over the death of the father she'd never find closure with, for all his misdeeds and strange courage.]

I'm sorry you're stuck with me to tell you this.

I don't...hate Deerington. I hate the bad things in it. I hate seeing my friends die, or something evil coming and making it so I have to have small existential crises when I go to sleep. And you're right Korra. I should be at the Isles dealing with my feelings there than being here, without Eda and the friends that I made.

Oh yes, those worms. I fought them too. That was rough. But that's different from those mountain guys. The worms were literally going after prey to eat and that was it. The mountain men reveled in the misery this caused. If it weren't for Margot...they would have me watch them eat bits of my body until I died.

[Saying this, Luz found herself trembling, and she took a moment to close her eyes, swallowing a sob].

I don't like what I did. I'll still hear their yells and smell their burning flesh, even while they were making me hurt. But in that moment all I could think about is what they did to me, what they could do to other people. I couldn't let them go and do it all again.

[Luz looked at the staff, Eda's staff, then hugged it].

But I don't know if I could do that again.

Korra. I asked because I needed to know how you coped. I wouldn't have asked anyone else first.

It is a bad thing. The only good here is what people have made within it.

They were terrible. And they had to be stopped. I don't...I don't think you had any other choice.

[She paused. This was not what she was good at. She wasn't as sure about what she was good at anymore.]

Of course you could do it again. Because it gets easier. It's why I've...why I've tried so hard. Because I killed my Uncle, even if I didn't...I had to do it. He couldn't be stopped otherwise, bound to the god of chaos Vaatu as he was - but I knew what would happen.

And I've seen it happen for others, making that choice once - and then...it all ended in trying to destroy a whole city, just to realize a vision, with the most terrible weapon ever devised. Each step on the way was just a choice, each time getting easier.

[She leaned forward, face looking far more tired than a woman of twenty-one ought to. Or usually did.]

You have to guard against that, now. Whatever comes, and whatever you become. As for coping...it never goes away. Not fully. I was a wreck, Luz. Bits of the poison lingered in my body and I...I had no idea what to do and I just...retreated.

It took me three years to come to terms with my torture. To be able to pull that last poison out of myself? To look my torturer in the eye without...rage and pain? That took longer still.

But...I made mistakes. I didn't...talk about it. In the end, I wrote to Asami. She...Spirits, she got me back to being me and I'll love her forever for that. Just...talking about my feelings, as they happened, day by day.

I don't know what meaning that has to you. I don't know what meaning any of what I say will have. Heh...you're free to run out of here and never talk to me again. But you can't let yourself run from this, and it will be very tempting to do it.

I know.

[Luz said this, quiet, looking at her hands again. She would have never believed she was capable of killing men like her who thought and reasoned, but this was different. It was like fighting less skilled Darth Maul's, only the price of loss would have been her limbs, slowly, savoring her pain and the taste of her flesh. Thinking about it made Luz feel sick, but moving past that there was no doubt she had to make sure they didn't do that to other people.

But what else could she excuse death for]?

I don't want to give people my visions, Korra, or impose my stuff on them because I think its the best way. I want to help people. If people are injured, or need to be lifted up, I try to give them a smile and cheer them on. Somebody here told me its one of my greatest powers, and I believe that.

I asked because you'd be able to give my advice about this. I don't feel right, with what I did and what they did to me, but I know I didn't have a choice. I wanted to talk to you so you could help me, and you have.

I know. But the road isn't easy to see with the first steps. Take it from someone who's seen too many people walk that path.

[She stood up with a sigh, moving towards a closet. Kuvira had started out wanting to help people, too. It always started there.]

It's...hold onto that. Because you're always a joy to have around.

[She got down some blankets, and pillows.]

It will take a long while before it feels...better. Right...I don't know about that. If you can convince your inner self that so much of this place is a dream, then...maybe. But it's never become fully right for me again. I've made my peace with it, but every now and again, I wake up and feel that ache in my limbs, like it's still there.

[She pauses, heading towards the spare room, looking over her shoulder.]

But it can, and will, get better.

[Though she doesn't feel anything she has done will help.]

It's dangerous to go back, I've got a spare bed you can use. Naga can keep you company. I'll make you some tea.

If I tell you anything of use tonight, it's that tea is the foundation of things getting better.

You don't understand.

I've seen this kind of thing in media, but also with some of the people here. They make bad choices, and then it becomes a hole they just dig themselves in deeper and deeper. I don't think I'm better than them, but because they were able to tell me their stories, I can understand how the choices they made wound up making things more complicated for them later.

I try. It feels a little harder these days. Way harder than I've ever been used to.

Yeah. I get that. Like now, I even talk about what happened, or think about it and I get this panicked feeling like I'm back there, at their mercy, a mess and them laughing about it. Then I think of how I was after, when I went back to make sure they didn't come out to hunt people again.

It's scary. They're both scary.

[She sighed, then smiled]. Thank you. I don't know if it would be a good idea to go back in my PJs at nightm even if I CAN fly.

[She listens, and just nods, gently.]

You're aware of it, which is important. Trust me, start with the tea - and after that...write it down. To someone. Doesn't have to be someone here.

[She opened up the guest room and it was...well, rustic, really - but there was a nice fireplace, stacked with wood. She placed the blankets on the bed, leaning down to ignite the fire with a gentle gust of firebending.]

You can stay as long as you like, you know that, right? Because there'll be no monsters tonight. They wouldn't dare.

[And if Luz turns around, Naga is already wedging herself through the door, which makes Korra smile.]

And it appears that goes double, now that Naga's made her decision.

I think I will start with the tea. Writing too, in a little bit. I might even draw a little bit. That might help.

[Rustic. Luz liked rustic actually: she'd made do with less (Eda's attic) so this was still nice. Plus, it was always great to see Korra firebend].

I'll maybe stay two days. I won't stay longer, Margot's still getting used to our new place.

[She smiled]. I was never worried. Not with you two here.

Stay as long as you want. Margot's welcome, too. Heck, I can help fortify where you live, if you want. Anyways. Settle in, I'll bring you some tea.

[And she'll make quick enough work of it in the kitchen, picking the blend she herself has been using to help her sleep around this place. She leaves it to steep for a moment, filling a tray with some grapes and crackers. She might not be hungry this moment, but she might need them later.]

If the Doctor would go for that, I'd say heck yes! But he's a traditionalist, in a way. It's hard to really say WHAT he is, because he's unlike anyone I've ever met before.

[Him being a time traveling alien wouldn't even come close to doing him justice].

Have you met Margot yet, Korra?

['He's tired', she wants to reply, 'he's tired of losing people.' But she doesn't. That's his business to reveal, maybe, in the fullness of time.]

Well, before too long I think we'll all be closer anyway.

[She sets the tea an the plate down on a nearby table, sitting on the corner of the bed.]

Maybe - I've met a lot of people. But I don't remember the name off-hand.

I think so too. Got to make sure I help with preparations.

[Despite everything that had happened, Luz still wanted to try and help, even if she was definitely shaken now. Luz took the tea, then laughed].

Well, most people recognize her before the name. She's the one that's a wolf wearing a uniform.

Then I don't know her, unfortunately. But I'd like to.

[She stood up, with a sigh.]

Ok. If you need me, I'm in the next room. Bathroom's just down the hall - and you've already got a fuzzy bodyguard in here hogging half the room.

I think I should let you sleep. We can talk more, whenever you like. But tea...and rest. They'll help, to start.

You both might get along! She's one of the closest people in this place I know, and I'd do anything for her!

[She nodded]. Ok Korra. I'll be sure to take advantage of the tea and the rest. I am feeling a little worn down.

[Luz paused, then got up and hugged Korra fiercely].

Thank you, I really, really needed this.

[She smiled, hugging her back.]

Any time, Luz. Anytime you need.

[Luz had to admit to herself that she felt a bit safer with Korra around. She wondered if there would ever be a time she'd be able to return the favor for her older friend.

Time would tell. In any case, Luz smiled and tapped her staff, and her pajamas were replaced with a penguin Kurigami, with feet and everything.

You know, it has been days since I've had a sound sleep.

[She started for a second at the use of magic, still not used to that, but relaxed when she saw, well, the result.]

Well, let's hope it is deep and long, then. Also, those are adorable

[Hey, Luz was lucky enough to have learned a little more than what she'd gained in the Boiling Isles].

Yeah.

Oh, well. If I have to have a fitful sleep, it's only fair that its cute.

[And you could see the least serious part of Luz here, making an overexaggerated pose].

[She smiles a bit, shaking her head.]

Well put.

[Luz nodded, happy to feel a little of her old self creeping back.

Maybe you should get one yourself. I'm sure that Asami wouldn't mind!

[She grinned a bit at that, turning a bit of a redder shade.]

Oh, we haven't even gotten to sleepwear yet.

[And ye spirits, it's Asami...she can only imagine the luxurious and scintillating garments she might have and oh no she's not sleeping well tonight again.]

But...probably not. Eventually.

Huh?

Well, she's not here, so you can pretty much wear whatever you want, right?

[Says the pure cinnamon roll].

True. [Said very carefully to not so much as smudge that cinnamon frosting.]

Maybe. I dunno. It's been so busy I haven't gotten to try much...new.

[Luz is beaming with such innocent intentions right now].

Well you can here! It's not like anyone is going to judge you, right?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject